Oh wow, breaking news, y’all — apparently the FBI has a brand-new division where they outsource federal investigations to… random civilians with no credentials, no training, and active investigations against them.

Who knew? I must’ve missed the press conference where the Bureau announced:

“Starting today, if you have pending charges, a history of fraud, or a pattern of online harassment… congratulations! You are now qualified to recruit victims, collect evidence, and run your own off-brand investigative task force from Facebook.”

Because let’s be serious for just ONE second:

The FBI. Does not. Tell random untrained civilians. To gather evidence, interview alleged victims, or coordinate anything.

Especially not people who are:

• actively under investigation themselves,

• involved in online harassment,

• or busy fabricating stories on social media for attention.

Imagine thinking the FBI is sitting around saying:
“Yeah, let’s let Grizzy, Candice and Kristen run point on this. Forget federal agents, grab the Facebook fraud squad!”

Be for real.

At what point do these people stop? Every day it’s a new dramatic script, a new fake “victim,” a new imaginary investigation, and a brand-new batch of lies that collapse the second you ask for one piece of real evidence.

If the FBI was actually involved, they wouldn’t be DM’ing them, they’d be knocking on their door — and not for the reasons they claim.

But hey… keep the fanfiction coming. It’s entertaining at this point.